I Dreamed A Dream
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Welcome, all, to my new segment on My Pet Blog (not that it’s really called My Pet Blog anymore. This blog doesn’t really have a name, and if it did, it would probably be something like ‘That Thing I Mostly Forget Exists But Somehow The Spammers Never Do’) in which I tell you about some weird, funny dream I had. Or at least as much as I remember in the time it takes me to wake up and decide to write about it and then do the actual writing. I don’t know how often this segment will appear, but I suppose that depends on the quality and quantity of my dreams.
Anyway, I had this dream over the weekend and it made me laugh, so I thought I would share it with all of you…
Okay, so, my brother and I were in a critique group with John Oliver of Last Week Tonight fame. We went to his house for a meeting. His house, by the way, was located in one of those neighborhoods that are so freaking popular here in the God-forsaken swamp state—identical, cookie-cutter homes with the smallest amount of space between them that could legally be counted as space. (Or, at least, Florida legal…) I don’t know if we were in Florida or not, but that’s what the neighborhood looked like. His neighbors also looked like extras from The Golden Girls, so maybe we were in Florida.
I know what the neighbors looked like because they were all having a big to-do about…something. Bingo, probably. Or some stupid made-up HOA violation. (Interesting and not-at-all irritating side note: My significant other and I were recently in trouble with our HOA for having the audacity to paint our house THE EXACT SAME COLOR IT ALREADY WAS. The horror!!) And they were having their big to-do in John Oliver’s driveway.
Maybe because he decided to have a group of writers over to his house and the HOA has rules about that kind of thing.
I don’t know. Probably not super important.
Anyway…I don’t remember how we got around the gaggle of Golden Girls extras, but we made it through the obstacle course and got inside the house.
Once there, my brother and I sat at the kitchen table, all ready to start our meeting, but John first told us his big news: He had been cast as Alexander Hamilton in the London production of the Broadway musical Hamilton.
And I was all, “OH MY GOD” because I thought that would be the most amazing thing ever because I could not imagine John Oliver playing Alexander Hamilton in the broadway musical Hamilton—no offense, John—and was convinced it would either be a huge revelation or a huge train wreck. Either way, I wanted to be there to see it.
So I turned to my brother and was all, “Dude, we gotta go to London for this show.”
But…I apparently didn’t want to get tickets for our entire family—sorry, family, but Hamilton tickets are expensive— so I then said, “But I don’t want to get tickets for everyone, so let’s tell them we’re going to Tampa to watch baseball games because none of them will want to do that.”
Sadly, however, I woke up before we made it to London for John Oliver’s Hamilton premiere. I’m not gonna lie—I was super disappointed to have missed out on that. I told my brother abut the dream and he wisely advised me to do everything the same the next night in hopes of recreating the circumstances that led to that dream.
It didn’t work, though. Instead of watching John Oliver on Broadway (or whatever the London version of Broadway is called), I instead was recruited to join a battle to save the world.
I told them fine, I just had to go home and get my swords first.
But that’s a story for another day…
See y’all next time (unless I have scared you away with this terrifying glimpse into my psyche…)
Stay safe and well.