now browsing by month
Some time toward the end of last month, I managed to do something that I quite honestly never thought I would do.
I finished writing Second Nature.
So, you may be wondering why, if such a momentous occasion occurred, you didn’t see a post filled with some choice Happy Dance gifs such as the following:
And maybe just one more (because I can never resist using this gif when it suits the situations…)
Doing posts filled with Happy Dance gifs has become my habit/tradition upon the completion of a draft. Well, maybe ‘habit/tradition’ is too strong a word/phrase. I mean, I did do it that one magical time that I actually managed to finish a draft, but I didn’t do that post this time. So maybe it’s not a habit or a tradition or anything else.
But whatever you call it, or don’t call it, I didn’t do it this time.
Because, here’s the thing: When it comes to the finishing of this monster novel of mine (and at 325,000 words, it really is a monster), I’m feeling more like this:
Maybe I’m just tired. Or sad. Or both.
Or maybe I’m just not happy with how it turned out.
I mean, I know it’s the third one. Of course it’s the third one. The other two may be contributing factors, but the truth is that I am not happy with how it turned out. I just think I screwed it up.
Now, if I came on the blog and talked about how pleased I was with my work, you’d all be running for the hills trying to escape the invasion of the body snatchers, or whatever, because me being hyper critical of all I do or don’t so (*coughcough* exercise *coughcough*) is just what I do. Along with being sarcastic and worshiping at the altar of Joss Whedon.
But I did the Happy Dance post before, so even if I wasn’t particularly pleased with what I had written (and given that I’m still me, you know I wasn’t), I was pleased that I had done the writing. I was pleased to have written.
This time…not so much.
And it’s stupid, too, to feel this way, given that the manuscript in question is in its first draft. First drafts don’t have to be good. They just have to be written. They just have to be done, and I did that.
So why am I not happy about it?
Right now, it’s sitting in a drawer where it will remain until I decide to look at it again. It’ll be a month, at least. Probably two. Maybe three. Maybe I’ll never look at it again.
Probably not that last one.
Time away between drafts is a good thing, I think. It allows one to look at a story with fresh eyes, which makes needed edits much more obvious and clear. It is my hope that time away will not only give me those vital fresh eyes but will also get me to that Happy Dance place (I don’t know why I keep capitalizing Happy Dance. It just happens.).
I want this story to be good. Better than good, even. Or, as good as I am capable of making it, I suppose. This story contains my absolute favorite character, and I want to make sure I can do her story justice.
So I’m waiting. Patiently, as only I can.